Truth

I'm going to post in more detail about my "I Believes"

I believe in TRUTH.

It's something that can be attained.

But I don't want to ever make it seem like I know all truth.

Because I don't.

I hold no monopoly. 

And I get things wrong sometimes.

But I do know the One who governs all truth.

And that brings peace to my heart.

I believe...

If you visit my room you'll see my "I believes" on my bulletin-board.

Here's the list because you can't all visit.

 

In truth.

In beauty.

In love.

In music.

In art.

In learning.

In order.

In independence.

In faithfulness.

In joy.

There is such peace in being able to check back with 

this list and see if I'm living out what I believe.

Be a Match!

I started donating to the American Red Cross a few years ago.

(Then I had my house-mate Meadow pierce my ears which 

made me unable to donate blood until March, 2013.)

I was born a sickly babe,

and a blood transfusion was instrumental in saving my life.

Ian Brown's illness reminds me again, 

that our bodies can help save other peoples lives.

So would you consider joining me in becoming a bone marrow donor?

Who knows - you might be the match!

https://www.dkmsamericas.org/register

Heavy Heart & Sad Eyes

You know that moment when you get news...

Bad news...

And you know it's going to hurt.

And keep on hurting...

My dear friends Christy and Ian got that kind of news.

They found out that Ian has 

Leukemia.

Ugly word.

Painful word.

Bad word.

And when I went to pray for them I was 

reminded of something

Ian said to me. 

A few years ago Christy got cancer.

Afterward, Ian said it was one of the best things that happened to their family.

Because it focused his eyes on Jesus.

And it taught him what things were things of importance.

And knowing Ian I agree. He is a better man now.

And so when I prayed for him I asked that this story would reflect that story.

Would you join me in praying for this lovely family?

That this cancer would bring even more focus to their lives.

That more people would be touched by their stories.

That this would enlarge their ministry.

That his life would be spared.

That Christy would be strong and courageous.

That their daughters would be comforted by their heavenly father,

who never grows weary or weak.

That peace and joy would permeate their lives. 

Do Difficult Things!

A few years ago I read a book by one of my favorite authors called 

Don't Waste Your Life (John Piper). 

I was motivated by it 

- along with some other things at the time - 

to make a list of life goals. 

I love lists. I crave goals.

One of my goals was to pursue music.

To listen to good music.

To participate in good music.

To sing and play.

And in someways I have done that.

I play guitar. Fiddle. I sing. And that's all good.

After a break of pursuing music I've started up again.

And I'm surprised to find I retained so much.

(I took almost a year off!)

Today I took (for me at least) a PLUNGE.

And I played for my church.

I refused a mic.

But it felt good to conquer something 

that intimidated me before.

Keziah Pictures!

Pain

I've been thinking about adoption and pain. 

My good friend Anastasia is writing a blog post
per day about adoption for November. 

(Which is National Adoption Awareness Month). 

Here's a LINK to her blog. 

Anyway, adoption is something I care about. God uses the 

word adoption when he speaks about building His family. 

The thoughts swirl in my mind. Why do these little children have to suffer. 

The pain is intense - there is REAL, DEEP HURT.

Driving in the car this morning with Anastasia talking this over, 

my reaction was to nearly break down in tears.  

(Which was surprising to me - I don't think of myself as a crier.)

As we talked I realized that we all have hurts throughout our lives.

Whether it be something big or small -
having our pain acknowledged is important
and helpful
and healing.
And that's part of what life is about.
Learning how to hurt and heal.

Pictures!

Keziah the sleeping pro!

Jubilee is full of life!

Providence is just beautiful! A perfect blend of her
first father Joe and her gorgeous mother Lis!

Mom and Keziah

Ivanna loves her little girl!

A Day of Reflection

After the sermon at my church Hope last week I started thinking that I really needed a day to reflect on where I was - where I was going - and why it mattered.

I started at Cabrillo again 1 1/2 years ago. I had gone through another 

program and graduated  but for various reasons 

I wasn't able to continue in that field. 

It was a great experience - I loved everything I learned and I've put it to use. 

I knew when I started back at Cabrillo I'd be at the beginning again - and to be honest 

I had no clue what I was going to do when I was finished!

It was, perhaps, one of the first times in my life I really 

stepped out in faith and just went for it. 

And my life is better because of that choice.

Back to reflections though!

So today I had no work - homework is caught up - it was time to reflect. 

I thought deeply about where I am - and found a few areas I was really happy about. 

(Something I hadn't anticipated!)

I'm really happy about the place I worship.

I'm really happy about the school I attend.

I'm really happy about the place I work.

I'm really happy about the living space I have.

I'm really happy about the relationships I am in.

Interestingly, it was in these areas that I also saw the most need for growth.

I need to get more involved in community. 

It's a place I need to make time for investment.

I need to focus better and manage time well so I can be a better student. 

I want to be faithful in the small things and really take time to learn. 

At the same time, I want to engage more with people in (and out of) class.

I need to invest in learning how to do things more at work. 

I haven't memorized a few things that I really should know... 

I'm going to spend time learning that so I will be a better asset 

to the amazing team of people I work with!

I need to care of my space with more diligence. 

That way, I will be able to open it up to others. 

Plus, having a neat, clean space inside 

is important for my well-being! 

And spending time gardening, and beautifying outside makes my heart soar!

I need to manage my life better so I can be available to be in relationships. 

I need to let me hearts gazed be fixed on Jesus so I'm more willing to take risks - 

conscious of the solid rock on which I stand. 

I also need to understand more fully my limitations to I don't over-extend as much.

I also want to play more music.

I'm eager to see how my life grows throughout the next year.

Knowing what and why I'm doing things should help me stay the course.

Failing on Getting it DONE...

Sometimes it's easy to share only the good things going on in life. And it's easy for me to get caught up in that. (Like my pottery in the last post.)

Today I got that AWFUL email from American Express - the one that tells you: 

"You're late on payment." 

Now, I know that some people truly cannot pay their bill every now and then - which could make seeing this message all the more stressful.

But I can pay my bill. And I do (mostly) pay my bills on time.

 Because this is now the third time I've done this in a year I thought I should write about it.

Once I thought I was good with my money. 

I don't spend much of it.

I save a lot of it.

I feel like I'm pretty generous with it.

But then I met my newest brother-in-law Adam.

And I got close to someone who's good with money.

And I realized that I'm not.

I'm just not.

Sure, I've only been in debt ONCE. (Long story... maybe for another time...)

And that was short-lived.

And I've saved for school (for the most part.)

And I've saved for my car.

And my other important life goals.

But it's in some of these little things... like knowing when to pay my bills. 

And having a real budget that works and doesn't lie.

And remembering when I get paid. 

(Seriously I have forgotten to collect payment from families I tutor for... Once I even lost a check and didn't realize it until the person who paid me called to ask why I didn't cash the check!)

In those areas I just fall FLAT.

Last week at church my pastor Danny talked about loving God with our whole heart, soul and strength. He recommended we take some time to look at our lives and 

figure out what direction we needed to go 

- areas we needed to focus on - 

for the next year.

One of the areas I'm committed to growing in is financial responsibility. 

I want to be wise.

New Pottery!!

New Pottery!!

I adore pottery. There's just something about it that gets to me.

It's never perfect. Each piece is different. And I love it!

I got these at the Cabrillo Ceramics Student Sale today.

Can you guess how much I paid? 

(Hint: It was a good price!)

Time

Since school I've started to realize again how much I actually want to do.

I love reading, relaxing, playing music, cooking, chatting it up with friends, going to the movies, listening to awesome bands, baking, gardening, taking walks, laundry... and the list goes on and on. There are so many things my time and attention can be sucked into - and really - I don't think much of it's "bad." But this season of life is full, and I need to pick what I do with extra care. I know everyone is busy but I just want to put my schedule down here for a week:

Work: 20-35 hours

School: 20 hours

Homework: 20 hours

Commute: 8-10 hours

Sleep: 56 hours

Church: 3 hours

Exercise: 5 hours

Cleaning: 4 hours

That's between 126 and 153 hours of time commitment per week! Which means on a busy week I literally only have 15 "free" hours for the week. (I write "free" because those hours aren't fully free - after all - I need to fit showers, and eating, and getting dressed, and feeding the cat, and visiting my newest niece, and... and... and...)

I don't know exactly how to make everything work all the time - but I'm seriously grateful for the school and work in my life right now. I'm trying to figure out how I can open up my schedule a bit. I don't want to live a life that's too busy. Because I know I'm building habits today - they will last my lifetime. And I serve a God who is not too busy - I'd like to figure out a way to reflect that better.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions for making that happen in my life? 

Baby Shower Invites

I am working on Baby Shower Invites for my sister Ivanna and Keziah (her daughter). Some of you dear friends are invited, and some aren't. It's awful making lists and knowing that there isn't a location large enough to have every person you know and love attend.

I wanted to hand make the invitations. I made a number of invitations for Ivanna and Adam's wedding - which was really fun. They turned out great. Then, I had made a large amount of paper and used it. Very cool.

I don't have my paper making stuff anymore. (Rehomed to a good friend.) So I bought cardstock. I didn't plan far enough in advance and had to pay $0.99 per page. I cut them into 1/4's, so that makes 10 sheets. $9.90.

I printed 40 pictures at $0.13 for a total of $5.20

Envelopes were also not well planned and I had to buy 100, even though I needed less than half that amount. $9.95.

Stamps are $0.45. Times 40 that equals $18 solid dollars.

I also got two pens and glue. Pens were $1.95 each and glue was $2.95, for a total of $6.85.

Grand Total: $49.90 divide that by 40 and you get about $1.25 per invitation.

I also wrote around 209 letters/symbols per invitation for a grand total of 8360 letters - not including addressing.

But the point is, I feel pretty content with them!

Loving Jesus at School

I love Jesus. And that's something I never try to hide, minimize or stifle. It's also not something I push, punishes, or condemn with either. And most of the time, it's easy. It works.

So I was surprised today at school when it wasn't easy.

I am taking an informative class from one of my favorite teachers at Cabrillo. She is fair, dedicated and organized. All the elements that make a learning situation ideal for me. I know the world isn't always ideal - so when it fit in my schedule to take two classes with the same teacher - I snapped it up.

However, the Woman's Studies class is difficult. We talk about painful and sad topics. And discuss issues that have polarized views. Most often it's done with respect and kindness. With honest passion - but listening ears and hearts. And I love it.

I want to understand other people better. I want to know why someone thinks something different than I do. Not because I don't know what to think or believe, but because I want to know and love people. And having a better understanding of what someone else believes is beneficial for me - and them. It's a total win-win. (Can you tell I love it?)

We broke into small groups today and were talking about the midterm paper we're going to write. Someone in my group started talking about another class she is taking and something or other lea her to an impassioned speech about how only an ignorant moron could believe in creationism. How that sort of person is closed off and not open to new ideas. How the belief prevents real education for occurring etc. etc. etc. When it was my turn to speak I looked at her and said something to the effect that any idea we have, regardless of what it is, impacts the way we see the world.

She returned with, but those people are morons! I smiled and said that I was a creation-scientist. She stopped and awkwardly looked at me. I wasn't mad, at all. But what do you say? I smiled, hoped it didn't offend, and slightly awkwardly, returned to my work. But I could tell it rubbed up against this classmates ideas and feelings. Seriously, what do you say?

The thing is, I'm not a moron. I've thought about this question - and the answer that best fits is: this earth was made by a knowable God in the not so distant past. Everything I've read, seen and woven together makes that story make the most sense to me. And I'm okay knowing that I wasn't there so I'm taking this on faith.

Many people I know and respect don't hold this view. My father for example is an old earth creationist. My mom told me she doesn't really know or care much. I have friends who sit in all different squares. But we're all trying to make sense of something that is in many respects unprovable, unknowable.

I'm going to keep trying to be who I am. I love Jesus. And that I'm never going to hide.

Catch Up

So many things have happened...

Keziah Lynn Rook was born two weeks ago.

Lis and the children came to visit!

Becky and Jim came too. 

Isaiah joined Lis and kids for a weekend.

My little Clubhouse was semi-finished.

My car broke down. 

I got the stomach flu.

Peoples here got the head cold.

I worked somewhere in there.

And midterms happened too.

It was crazy. And fun. And I'm so glad it happened.

Building A Home

I have been working on getting my "club-house" finished. Sort of. That's because a number of weeks ago I hurt my right arm and it's taken a LONG time to heal.

A few of the walls got sheet rock today!

In the meantime, school started and while I'm studying I desperately long for quietness. I find the little noises - and some of the big noises - terribly distracting.

Insulation, Electrical Wiring, Internet, Surround Sound. Check, check check - Ready for sheet rock.

 So today my dad spent hours working on my little bedroom. I got to help for awhile. We made so great progress. I am happy, and I feel loved.

See that Window - I LOVE IT!

Returning Home

So... I moved back to my parents house in major-small-town-but-totally-ON-the-grid-Scotts-Valley. Leaving major-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-totally-OFF-the-grid-Farm wasn't quite planned and it has left me with some conflicting feelings.
You see, I loved the farm. I loved the people, animals, slowness, so many things. And I miss them. I miss the people there, I really miss the animals, and I miss not being as available (which results in more lifestyle slowness.)




At the same time I'm really glad to be back in the land of high speed internet. I love that someone can call me to come hang out downtown and I can get there in 10 minutes. I enjoy not spending 30 or more minutes going anywhere. I like being able to walk to the store. Even more than that I love hanging out with my family and friends more often. I had numerous last minute visits this summer - non of which would have happened if I was still living on the farm.



Life's about changing though - and I'm settling into this new rhythm - realizing that this rhythm too will end. And that's okay. Because I'm okay.

Gaming

For anyone who follows my blog (okay, there aren't many of you out there!) I wanted to let you know that I have improved at spelling games. I know this because I'm in Idaho right now. With my brother, sister and sister-in-law. All avid spelling gamers. I actually won a game of bananagrams tonight. I got sadly beaten in boggle a number of nights ago - but my sister-in-law Kelsey told me I did pretty well. (Nothing like Aaron she reminded me.)
So there you have it - perhaps all the gaming has really paid off!

Powerful Influences

I love laundry. That's no lie. I love the way you can put the laundry in the washing machine, then hang it out, and finally fold it and put it away. I love that when doing my laundry everything fits in it's place. It's one of those chores that is possible to finish up in a day. (I know, I'm ONE SINGLE GIRL. So all you moms out there who feel like this is bogus - just remember that.) Anyway, I love pairing socks, and getting clothing off the line. The delightful smell of cleanness... It's just a great chore!

In fact, I remember traveling to see some good friends in Tennessee a number of years ago - they had many children and tons of laundry. My one "goal" was to catch up on the laundry for them. I'm pretty sure I got to the bottom of it while I was out there.

But back to the point - I'm visiting my sister and her family right now. And a number of years ago my sister and her daughter (my niece) came to live at my parents home. They shared my room and I spent a lot of time with her daughter Providence. A LOT OF TIME. I remember taking her outside with me to get the laundry - she wasn't able to walk yet - and telling her of it's glory. The way everything smelled wonderful - the way it got finished - the way everything got a little crispy. And I would tell her that someday she was going to grow up and love laundry too. I remember encouraging her while I folded clothes that this was SO cool. The BEST ever. I would smile and nod and well... talk.

Guess what she did today? She asked me (begged me really) to let her do laundry the "old-fashioned" way. Oh please, please, please she said. Can you imagine my glee?

adding the soap.

happily getting the water ready.

getting ready for the plunge.

 

Homesick and Guilty

My trips to Idaho are filled to the brim with loving people. Seriously! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had my nieces and nephews say they love me. Give hugs. Kisses. Cry when I’m leaving their presence. Ask parents if they can sit by me. Etc. Etc. It’s sweet and it is endearing. And I love them all so much. But it’s not only the children that are loving and expressive. My sister, sister-in-law and brother all tell me how wonderful it is I’m here – with them. And I’m so happy to see them all – to be known. I love to snuggle up and read books, to touch pets and visit gardens, to see dances and play games. It’s wonderful! The only thing is – I’m knee deep in full blown homesickness.

Like, I mean that in a major way.

 

I miss the farm and the animals. 

I miss my friends. 

I miss my little brother (like crazy). 

And my other family too. But it’s not just that. (And I know that I’ll be home soon.) 

I’m also missing the beautiful sky. And the green trees. 

 

And the moisture in the air. And well, I suppose it’d be enough to say the climate in general. I feel a little guilty, but I love Santa Cruz. And that’s that.

Scarf, Mirror Mirror and the Odyssey

Sunday afternoon I asked my brother if he thought my hair scarf was cool. He said it was interesting. Finally, after much persuasion, he agreed that it was kind of cool. Then he asked, “But what is it?” I told him it was a scarf. He said “But what is it for real?” I again said it was a scarf. And he said – “Oh, it looks like you cut the end off a tablecloth or something.” What a silly boy! I really do love my brother. It is good to be with him again.

The first night I was here we watched Mirror Mirror (which I could not recommend to anyone!) It was still very fun to go to the theater with all five of my brother and sister-in-laws children and watch a film. We got popcorn and rootbeer. Going to the theater makes me just feels like I need that stuff! When we were leaving my brother said the end credits reminded him of Slumdog Millionaire. I said, “That makes sense, they were directed by the same person.” Aaron said something to the effect of that is weird but interesting. I started laughing and said it was a joke. Kelsey, my sister-in-law, looked at Aaron and said “She does the same thing you do.” I am so amused when I say a random thing that doesn’t really make sense. Anyone else?

I’m reading a lot. Very nearly finished with the Odyssey –finally – I’ve gotten super into it and keep thinking about it. Must finish!

p.s. Mirror Mirror and the Odyssey should not be in the same title. Sorry!